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| (Some Guy) | The coolest photos of the aftermath of the New Zealand earthquake you will see all week | (72) | |
| (Lancashire Evening Post) | A group of British women will paint ceramics with their nipples to raise funds, penises, for breast cancer research | (47) | |
| (The New York Times) | The coolest interactive graph of what soldiers eat you will see today | (145) | |
| (Some Guy) | "Dispatch- this is Engine One, we're gonna need 2 tons of butter and 4,000 lobster bibs" | (25) | |
| (Boston Globe) | Woman never even bothers to open boxes of great-great-granduncle's things stored in attic. Nephew inherits it all. Auction expected to fetch in the millions | (63) | |
| (Telegraph) | French police are fining British drivers over their lack of proper fashion sense | (48) | |
| (BBC) | Bad things to bring in to show and tell: The pipe bomb you just found in the playground | (31) | |
| (Herald Sun) | Teacher receives achievement award one day after female student performs oral sex on him. Now THAT one's going up on the mantle | (131) | |
| (Some Sunset) | Photoshop this body in motion | (32) | |
| (Some Guy) | Just like with the Wall Street bankers, Obama decides to favor a handful of Americans over everyone else | (291) | |
| (Telegraph) | Meet Edward Hernandez, a 24-year-old man stuck in a body the size of a 2-year-old. Clearly somebody has never heard of lube | (82) | |
| (Baytown Sun) | Ticket camera company sues to block referendum on ticket cameras, saying that letting voters decide is a violation of those voters' rights | (183) | |
| (USA Today) | Just because you hooked up with some slut for a one-night stand doesn't mean you can't have a beautiful long-term relationship with her down her the road | (109) | |
| (BBC) |  |
For no discernible reason at all other than "why not?", Englishman invents a dinner table capable of doing 100mph | (41) |
| (Some Inventor) | When 81 years you reach, be as cool as this guy you will not | (25) | |
| (Washington Post) | Schools are now posting caloric information in their cafeterias to help students make intelligent choices between "mystery loaf," "cardboard pizza," and "meat surprise" | (73) | |
| (Daily Mail) | As close to a perfect Daily Mail headline as you're ever likely to see | (116) | |
| (Daily Mail) | If Buzz Lightyear was a guido | (67) | |
| (My Fox Orlando) | Any man that ever fumbled to remove a woman's bra in the past is really going to be fighting a losing battle now | (69) | |
| (Boston Herald) | Boston transit lost and found contains cell phones, limbs, breast milk, and lots and lots of bibles abandoned by riders convinced they were already in hell | (45) | |
| (Fox News) | WHO is already working on a follow-up album to last year's "Swine Flu Pandemic" flop, tentatively titled "Mass Hysteria 24/7: The Cable News Ratings War Solution" | (79) | |
| (Times Herald Record) | You know all those sappy stories about how everybody comes together to set up the wedding for the woman who's dying of leukemia? Here's what happens when it turns out she was full of shiat | (121) | |
| (Telegraph) | 13-year-old boy finally beginning to master the use of his bionic hand. In unrelated news, medical researchers are developing innovative new ways to treat severe chafing injuries | (59) | |
| (SFGate) | Homeless in SF believe McDonald's is conspiring against them--by eliminating the Dollar Menu. Board of Supervisors calling for company to pay their "fair share", demanding new Equal Justice Menu | (291) | |
| (Some Guy) | Things you find in your back garden: tools, sheds, prisoner of war camps | (17) | |
| (YouTube) | The coolest video about a wildlife reserve for cats you will see today | (53) | |
| (Telegraph) | Some residents trying to change the name of their street. Apparently they don't want to live on Butt Hole Road | (72) | |
| (Some Guys) | Photoshop these linemen | (26) | |
| (Some Guy) | You may be addicted to Twitter if you post a Tweet while you're having a heart attack and keep giving updates while doctors try to save your life | (63) | |
| (Huffington Post) | While you are telling your summer guests to finally go home, here are 11 facts about Labor Day which you probably didn't know | (45) | |
| (Some Guy) | Bad: you crash your car. Worse: your car flips over. Fark: you are cited for failing to keep the wreck in one lane | (34) | |
| (CBS Chicago) | Seriously slow day over at CBS: Popping pimples is bad for your face. It's not new zits Fark | (70) | |
| (The Consumerist) | If you're dumb enough to put your junk mail on top of your Blackberry and your mom throws it all away and someone fishes it out of the trash, don't biatch and moan when Verizon expects you to shell out $6,000 for all the overage charges | (105) | |
| (WIVB) | You know what they say -- people who live with glass front doors shouldn't throw swords at their wives. Or something like that | (10) | |
| (Boston Globe) | Police surprised to find multiple people willing to take credit for the five-foot marijuana plant growing in the backyard | (36) | |
| (WIVB) | "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting gunfire." "Interrup-" *BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM* | (37) | |
| (Some Guy) | Photoshop this crawly sea creature | (37) | |
| (CNN) | 80 percent of Americans say that the economy is in poor shape. The other 20 percent are drunk | (186) | |
| (First Coast News) | If someone known only as 'Ricky' offers you $20 to spray deer urine inside of a bar, it's time to find a new circle of friends | (49) | |
| (ABC News) | Hungry bears will probably eat you tomorrow | (45) | |
| (AJC) | Having solved all of its other problems, Georgia town bans sagging pants | (100) | |
| (ABC News) | Lisa Simpson porn on your computer? Illegal. A 170-page manual detailing how to molest children? Not so much | (321) | |
| (Daily Mail) | Elderly woman claims to have rescued the puppies that were thrown into a river | (53) | |
| (News.com.au) | Terrorists are VERY serious about egg racing | (50) | |
| (Some Guy) | The right way: "Seek out and disarm IEDs." The wrong way: "Hit IEDs." The US Army way: "Build a big-ass vehicle to seek out and hit every IED it finds" | (131) | |
| (Some Guy) | Photoshop this snowy card house | (19) | |
| (Boston Globe) | Risk of World War III rises three days every month | (126) | |
| (News.com.au) | Before we can complete your purchase, your children will need to pass a background check and go through the seven day waiting period, then we'll complete your license application for this cap pistol | (109) | |
| (NJ.com) | Rabbit attacks man with baseball bat and hatchet over lawnmower repair dispute | (51) | |
| (New York Daily News) | Aw chute. JetBlue has shown Steven Slater the non emergency exit | (90) | |
| (Daily Mail) | Dennis Shakespeare. One hell of a writer and actor | (37) | |
| (News.com.au) | Last two holes at the Dyke golf club have been plugged | (24) | |
| (Lehigh Valley Live) | SUV hits two cyclists during bike race, reaches the finish line first | (144) | |
| (Washington Post) | Teacher to Class: "These are words you can't use in school." Principal to Teacher: "These are words you can't use in school" | (77) | |
| (Google) | Danish rocket enthusiasts provide direct challenge to NASA, are able to design a suborbital rocket that can smoke on the launch pad for less than $64,000 | (62) | |
| (Some Guy) | The most painful Zapruder-like deconstruction of a video showing a dude in the outfield bleachers getting a batting practice homer banked off his damn head you will see today | (78) | |
| (Some Guy) | Slow News Day: City councilman plays 'Mafia Wars' on Facebook. Lamest media outrage ever | (36) | |
| (News.com.au) | Child abuse is everyone's responsibility, explains expert. If you can't do it on your own, let the church help | (11) | |
| (Des Moines Register) | Waterloo t-shirt company pressured to stop selling controversial t-shirt. "Waterloo - You may recognize us from 'Cops'" | (44) | |
| (MLive.com) | Local law enforcement officials pressured a... Okay, local law enforcement...dammit, this story is incomplete because it doesn't explain why this man is growing a mustache above his eyes | (37) | |
| (MSNBC) | Guatemalan mudslides leave 28 dead, hundreds more with a hangover | (12) | |
| (News.com.au) | Japanese schools increasingly being issued cetaceans over lunch menus | (116) | |
| (Washington Post) | An "out of synch" housing market, in which sellers believe a fair price for their home is "a millionty plus one" and buyers believe is free," may be be part of our problem | (317) | |
| (Patriot Ledger) | Ever got razor burn? Did you claim it as a job-related injury? Successfully? | (26) | |
| (News.com.au) | Scientists say stick to beans and hard cheese if you want a baby girl, gas | (70) | |
| (Telegraph) | Migratory birds decline in UK due to low African rain, which in turn has led to the severe coconut shortage | (58) | |
| (Yahoo) | Basque separatists announce a cease-fire, premiere their new fall line of berets | (44) | |
| (TwinCities.com) | See, that's your problem right there, you've got an improperly installed electrician in your airport ceiling and no permit for it, either | (72) | |
| (News.com.au) | Rugby players who survived a plane crash in the Andes and inspired the movie "Alive" have arrived in Chile to offer the trapped miners support, recipes | (71) | |
| (Some Guy) | Photoshop this mechanical combobulator | (31) | |
| (Yahoo) | Malaysia's "Lizard King" confesses to smuggling 95 live snakes to Indonesia, says snakes were long, 7 miles, rideable | (70) | |
| (Orange News.com) | "People should understand: Those who drink, those who smoke are doing more to help the state" | (77) | |
| (The Scottish Sun) | 106-year-old credits her long life to being a virgin | (123) | |
| (Some Guy) | Michaele Salahi, the White House Gate Crasher and "Real Housewife" to pose for Playboy. That clock must be at about 14:55 | (130) | |
| (AL.com) | Proving once again the bar is really low if you want to get into the Guinness Book of World Records, festival makes history by cooking the largest pot of baked beans | (35) | |
| (Chicago Tribune) | Amana-ccused of throwing air conditioner at police after Rheeming his frigid heir. Tag is for subby | (38) | |
| (Some Guy) | Mother who lost a son in the Iraq war successfully gets military bases to ban the sales of the new 'Medal of Honor' video game. "Now I want EA to pull the game on their own because it's the right thing to do" | (363) | |
| (Boston Globe) | Photoshop this Afghan barber | (36) |